Alibi asparagus roasted with pear, rosemary and garlic or next year we go on vacation like adults

apple-C, apple-v ... grinning I copy the booking code in the field provided in the Lufthansa online check-in. 20 more hours and we fly into the summer vacation! Two mouseklicks later, I'm being offered seats over the wings - oh no, the kid has demanded a "window seat behind the pilot". Window seat is clear, row 1 unfortunately not. I scroll to the last row and mark places. I'm always in the back row, ever since anyone told me they have the greatest chance of surviving a crash there. Yeah ... I know that's a bit ... weird. But I really do not want to argue that. The small family virtually boarded the 30 A-C series. Now have the boarding passes sent to your mobile phone ... wait a minute. What's this? A window pops up asking for the expiration date of the child's travel documents. Uh ... that's new. Ok, I rappelled off the couch and sped into my room. In the top drawer of my chest of drawers, I'm looking for the passport. Hello passport? Empty. Hm, that really can not be. Schaaahaaaatz, I call the man, do you know where the passport is from the child? Did not you have that last? Nope, the man growls, no idea. I stay totally relaxed, because in a well-organized household like ours, nothing will come away.

An hour later, the man and I are sweaty, all the closet doors are open, heaps of papers and stuff lies everywhere on the floor distributed and I dial the number of the citizen hotline. Hello, I need a temporary passport for my son today. The staff at the other end is very knowledgeable and experienced. All I need is biometric photos of the child, my passport, the ID card from the husband, a consent form from the husband, the birth certificate from the child and 13 euros. Bargain! Your local district office is still open until 1 pm today, the lovely employee is in my ear. My eyes fly to the clock ... it's 11:30. We do not have biometric photos. But now swiftly!

20 minutes later, the child and I are dressed and combed ready for departure at the front door. I stuff the required papers and a hairbrush into my purse. The combing should be repeated shortly before the biometric photos. Now only the consent of the man is missing. Expressions of force penetrate from the study. Carefully I peer through the crack in the door. The man stands in front of the printer and makes evocative signs. The damn thing is not plugged in and I sorted out the cable lately, he curses. I look at the clock ... Anyway, I say. We go and you bring us the wipe behind. When I'm on the go, I quickly hack a text message into my mobile: If the printer does not work, write things by hand!

The photo shop around the corner is open and occupied by smiling young ladies in lovely white outfits. We get served a water, have to wait a moment, until the passport photo chair is free. The child behaves exemplary and can even be combed without hesitation. It flashes a few times, the child should tilt his head, raise his chin, push his back, do not smile. Then the photos are in the box. I'm proud of my little supermodel - that could have been more controversial. While the printer spits out the photos in the background, one of the ladies in white implicated me in a you-have-a-photoshoot-in-value-of-29-euro-won-promotion. I must confess that my joy is limited and that I react somewhat unemotionally. It is 12:18. I throw the money on the counter and the photos, the child and I leave the ladies in white in the endurance run.Then we sprint across the street and jump into the next bus.

12:35 pm. We turn through the round door in the district office Eimsbüttel and hop in the Father Noster. The child has never driven Father Noster and really excited. Unfortunately we have to leave the small cabin on the first floor. We scurry along the corridor and then bravely join the queue at the registration. The bespectacled lady behind the registration counter looks down on us mildly. Shortly I formulate my request and proudly present my collected documents on request.

This is not a birth certificate, the lady suddenly says to us. Whäää ...? I'm speechless. That's what I got (after having this well-combed child released after 19 extremely painful hours), I insist. Nah, says the lady. These are just certificates. The birth certificate has such a federal eagle on it. I am sure that I never received a document with a federal eagle - I would know that! I look through the glasses in the official eyes and know, there is no discussion worthwhile. A copy of the birth certificate I get where ?, I ask pragmatically. At the registry office. But they closed today. Tomorrow at 8 o'clock again.

I give myself beaten, pack my documents again, reach for the once again slightly sticky hand of my son and leave as a broken woman the Bezirksamt.Ok, theoretically it would be natural to create Three hours before the flight, quickly get a new birth certificate in the registry office and then get a new passport. If only these little abers were not like sick public agency workers, computer outages or endless queues. I see the plane take off without us and the cuddly, already paid B & B rooms expire.

Spontaneously aged by 30 years, I drag myself home extremely dull. To keep my nerves and survive the next few hours, maybe I should eat a tiny gin and tonic ?! As you know, there is nothing that can not be straightened out with three gin and tonic. For purely medical reasons, of course. Also Queen-Mum is supposed to be every day ... Unfortunately we do not have gin anymore in the house. An ALDI turns up in front of us.

I make a quick decision to throw myself in the ALDI with the child in my hand and go for the liquor shelf. Hey, there's a voice in my head. This is certainly an emergency - no question - but do you think it would be a good idea to put only a bottle of gin on the treadmill at the cash register in broad daylight with the child by the hand? Öhhmm ... The voice is right. I already imagine the looks of the older ladies before and behind us. But what else could I buy so that the whole thing does not come across as suspected of being a youth? My eyes fall on asparagus, peeled ready in the plastic bowl. Ha! Asparagus is great, German and down to earth. Asparagus is the perfect alibi vegetable for ginkers. Besides, we'll have to eat something tonight. And the way I feel right now, I'll never be able to muster the energy for something like asparagus peel anyway. On the spirits shelf, I then find that ALDI has no gin in the assortment. I buy the asparagus anyway, so that not even the ALDI shopping ends in total futility - that would just be too much for a morning.

Arriving at home, I submit to my gin-tonic-fate and fate decided to at least pretend that tomorrow we could still get the required passport: I start to pack. At the same time, my gaze falls on a document folder which behaves inconspicuously at the top of my shelf. Hm, very good case, I think. It could be a great way to bundle the paperwork when you're on the go. I tear the case off the shelf and look inside.And on top of it - glowing in the most beautiful bordeaux red and shimmering in an almost supernatural aura - the passport of the child.

I sobbing, I stumble into the study and hold the passport under the man's nose. Iiiicchhhiiichhh hahahahbe him-n-n gefuhuhuunden, buhuhuhuuu! The man looks at me, breathe a sigh of relief and says: Next time we'll do it right with such a holiday. Not for this type of student, but like adults. The man is so right! Next time, we definitely have gin in the house.

And in the evening, we ate the alibi asparagus.

Here comes the recipe for 2 as main course or 4 as a side dish:

Peel 700g asparagus and cut off the woody ends. Cut each asparagus skewer diagonally into two pieces. Quarter 1 green, not too ripe pear , remove the core casing and cut into slices. 3-5 garlic cloves peel 1 fresh rosemary leaf roughly.

Pour as much olive oil in a large pan the soil is thinly covered and heated to medium heat. Add asparagus, pear, garlic and rosemary to the pan and fry slowly with occasional turning until the asparagus is cooked (10-15 minutes). Shortly before the end of the cooking time season with not too little coarse salt, pepper, a pinch of sugar and the juice 1/2 lime . Cut the other half of the lime into thin slices and sauté for a short time.

Tip : Tastes as a side dish for grilling, too Fried meat, as a lukewarm salad with bread or cold as antipasti.

Many thanks to Karl Baumgartner for the recipe inspiration while cooking together at the Bozener Genussfestival in South Tyrol.